*Silly Surveys and Myspace*

*Silly Surveys and Myspace*

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a Myspace addict. Pretty darn close to needing an intervention. Bless you Myspace for connecting me to friends I've lost track of, for being able to call some celebrities my "friends", and for giving my phone a break from texting. Also thank you... for silly surveys that enlighten my day... Never in the course of a day do I wonder... "when did so and so have their last kiss"... but when I read a survey on Myspace... and I learn about so and so's last kiss... I think "Huh... that's nice"

That said... yesterday 'my' Libby posted one... it was different in many ways so I thought I'd fill it out and send it out into the land of Myspace Bulletins. But then, *gasp* these weren't silly questions... and worse yet... I found myself pondering, even searching myself for the answers to the questions. After answering only 3... I quit and walked away. x'd out the screen and thought nothing more about it. But then I did... and it bothered me that I couldn't honestly answer some of them. Some of the questions are simple and not as heartfelt as others... those were easy for me to come up with an answer for. Like #1. Because frankly... my butt hates me. I might just skip those.

So it's my goal today... even if I have to stop on a question and walk away and search my heart for the answers... I will. This might seem silly to most... but it's so not. To me... it's just another "I'm lost and can't find myself" moment. (I've been having these a lot lately) Frankly, It sucks. Fa la la la la la....

And now... folks... the "survey"

1. I have come to realize that my butt: Hates me. Literally, it laughs at me when I grab a pair of jeans. I mean... even before I put the jeans on... I can hear my butt laughing.

2. I have come to realize that when I talk: that there are people who listen and take the time to understand... and people who only half listen and could care less what I'm saying.

3. I have come to realize that, if I love someone: it takes work. Some love is so unconditional and forever... and some love breaks your heart more than it hugs it. And some love is forever....

4. I have come to realize that, I need: to get back on track... to remember how strong I am.

5. I have come to realize that, I've lost: me.

6. I have come to realize that, I hate it when: I let my guard down. When the shield goes down and the hurt comes in.

7. I have come to realize that, if I'm drunk: I must be lost... because it's been forever and a million days.

8. I have come to realize that, marriage: is harder work than loving someone. And that without trust, honesty, and belief... it's a struggle.

9. I have come to realize that, work: plays into so many things... and that I'm getting better at the commitment.

10. I have come to realize that, I will always be: who I am. But that I don't have to be sad forever. That I don't have to be weak forever. But that it's okay when I am... because I find a little more of myself when those feelings leave. I will always be: the silly me... that some people don't understand. And letting that personality out once in awhile... is okay. Even if when I'm singing Wind Beneath My Wings in Wegmans and people are looking at me... it's okay. I will always be: a girl who still calls her Dad... "Daddy"... I will always be: that girl in the red Nissan jammin' to the 'Dead and thinking she could beat the world. (sometimes it just takes a minute to find her in my heart)

11. I have come to realize that, I like: Being my own friend. Being alone. Finding out that I don't need to have the presence of another person around me at all times. I like the silence of being alone within myself.

12. I have come to realize that, the last time I cried was: Yesterday. It's a daily thing.

13. I have come to realize that, my cell phone is: making me feel connected kind of like Myspace.

14. I have come to realize that, when I wake up in the morning: I'm okay. I know what I have to do and I do it. Having a system is a great thing.

15. I have come to realize that, before I go to sleep at night I: enjoy checking on Mac and Madi... and knowing that while they are sleeping.... they are in a peaceful state. That while they sleep... they have no worries and hopefully dream of Kittens, Butterflies, and Raindrops.

16. I have come to realize that, everything: Will be okay someday. Everything: gets worse before it gets better. Everything: is within reach... just maybe my arms aren't long enough to grab it yet.

17. I have come to realize that, babies: Are something I wanted a ton of... but mine are 9 and 4... and will always be my babies.

18. I have come to realize that, when I get on Myspace: I enjoy checking in with everyone... and smiling at messages... and that I might need to go on Intervention for my addiction to Myspace. Also, that I stalk Lib.

19. I have come to realize that, today I will: Say some things that need to be said. Leave it at that. And walk away.

20. I have come to realize that, tonight I will: Relax.

21. I have come to realize that, tomorrow I will: Get "My hair did"... feeling pretty is such a mood booster!

22. I have come to realize that, I really want to: Prove myself... to myself and no one else.

23. I have come to realize that, working out: should be a priority, but... well it's not. *see question #1*

24. I have come to realize that, friends: Keep me strong. Tell me I'm okay in sweats. Love me with fire starter hair. Know when I need Big Mac. Know when to let me be. Know when to pull me back. Are blessings.