Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another.
~ Fyodor Dostoevski

“Once they move, they're gone. Once you move, life starts over again.”
~ Jim Hinkle

“When you feel that you have reached the end and that you cannot go one step further, when life seems to be drained of all purpose: What a wonderful opportunity o start all over again, to turn over a new page.” - Eileen Caddy

Can we start over? Or do we simply move on... I don't see these as the same "thing."

Starting over... would be a scary process... to go back and start over from the beginning? That to me, would be terrible. To get to this point... TODAY... I had to go through so many life experiences... but had I not gone through them... I would have missed so much.

So no... I refuse to "start over"... but I will embrace moving on with open arms.... with an open mind... with open eyes... and mostly an open heart.

I've been surprised in the past 2 weeks to get emails asking me to blog again... maybe it was a conspiracy... but with a lot of thought... about this said "moving on"... maybe it makes sense to revamp this blog... to move on with it... to record my journey so that when I get that spot... that spot where I can say I'm okay... I can look back through my pages... and finally say "THE END".

Today's chapter would be a dark one... a sad one... and not much of a page turner. I'm finding that I fly so high on my good days.... but when those bad days sneak up on me I crash twice as hard as I was flying. It's so incredibly hard to pick myself up from that crash... it's twice as hard. 1 step forward ... 2 steps back... But I'm hopeful that tomorrow's chapter will be a bright and cheerful one.

My "forever friend" also known as my N.C. BFF wrote me such a touching email this week... when I read it I felt like she was standing beside me and holding my hand. I'd like to share what has kept me going this week....

quoted from her email to me:

"you are amazing in every sense of the word. i mean that, with all of my heart. i KNOW you are going to be ok, i just know it.
i am sorry that you have to do this today. it just sucks but you are doing the right thing. as hard as it is that something is coming to an end, it is also a new beginning for you. a chance to start fresh and focus on YOU!!
i long everyday to just give you a hug, be there to hold your hand, listen to you, especially on a day like today.
i cry all the time when i think of what you are going through. you are just such a beautiful person and please know, that if i could take it all away, i would. in a second. i know i say it every time i type, but you are my hero. i am so so so proud of you."

It's hard for me to accept the acknowledgement that someone is proud of me. So hard. Because I'm not to where I feel proud of myself yet. But I hope one day that I can see the Jodi that she sees. I hope that someday I can be half the friend to her that she is to me. I hope that I can be proud of me...

So here's to new chapters, new beginnings and moving on... to smiling even when you don't think you can. To best friends and to me...

"Moving on, is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.”
~ Dave Mustaine